Friendly Fire

I ran into an old friend from high school today. It was...awkward. He looked like he'd been doing alright for himself. Pretty typical of him, I guess. Had sort of the 'office drone' look about him. We made small talk for a few minutes. Mostly about his siblings, because I didn't really have much else to talk to him about. He asked how I was doing, and I made up some stuff I hope sounded convincing. It might have been the truth; how the hell would he know? And what business would it have been of his, anyway?

I don't know why, but I've never really liked him. I mean, we hung out in high school, cheated off each other's papers and helped each other through the hard classes, worked on assignments and papers together, we got along pretty well, but...I just never really liked him. And I've never really understood that.

I've gone over our relationship, our similarities and our differences with a fine-tooth comb. He doesn't do anything in particular to annoy me. He's smart enough to hold a decent conversation with. He's reliable, and he's not a racist or a bigot or anything such. And even though I'm bisexual and he's not (I'm pretty sure, anyway) there's no sexual tension or underlying attraction or resentment or anything under the surface, I'm certain of that.

He's not really what you'd call a 'nemesis,' either. I can't remember ever competing with him for anything important, or even anything trivial. We actually have worked pretty well together in the past. We had a few mutual friends and acquaintances, and I got along with all of them very well, too. I even liked them, even when they actually gave me reason not to. But this guy just...ugh, I don't know.

So why don't I like him? You would think that a person like me, who has precious few friends in RL, would be grasping at every chance I had to have someone to talk to on a regular basis. But...I can't. Not him. Something about him just grates at something in me. It's like the mere fact that he exists is enough to irritate me, like a stone in my shoe or a seed stuck under a tooth, and I'm not really comfortable until we're out of each other's company again.

I'd like to think there's something I'm missing here. Maybe something dramatic, like maybe we were mortal enemies in a past life, battling each other for honor or treasure or the love of a woman. Or maybe something more mundane, such as a long-buried memory of a traumatic event from childhood; maybe we fought over a favorite toy while we were in day-care together, or perhaps he shoved me down on the playground or something. But honestly, I don't think that's it, either. It feels deeper than that. I don't really like this analogy, but I can't help but think it must be something similar to how a mongoose instinctively hates a cobra, even if it's never encountered one before. Pure, simple, instinctual dislike on a fundamental, lizard-brain level. I just don't like this guy. And that sort of disturbs me a little bit, that I could be such a slave to my own instincts.

But on the bright side, I'm pretty sure he feels the same thing about me. I take a little comfort in that.